How it all began

This is the blog entry that I've thought about going back and writing the most. It keeps me up at night, thinking about how it all began. The question I get asked most often is did YOU find the lump? How did you know? So I feel like I need to write this.

In early June 2010 I was taking a bath and felt a lump. Yes, I found it on my own. No, I don't do regular breast exams. It was by God's grace that I found it. I didn't know what it was. I'm not very endowed in that area so I just noticed it and went on with things. A few days later I was at my parents house and felt a pain there. I had mom feel to see if I was just paranoid and imagining things. She could feel the lump, but due to her history with cysts she said to just keep a check on it and not to worry. I kept that in the back of my mind. A week or so later I was asking my co-worker for a recommendation for a doctor in the area where I live now. I called and got an appointment for the next week.

On June 24, I went to the gynecologist - Phyllis Carpenter for her to do a breast exam. She could feel the lump but with my age and background she also thought it was just a cyst. However, it was enough to get checked. She set up an ultrasound at the Galax Hospital the next week. On Monday, June 28th I went for a breast ultrasound. I was completely upbeat and confident that this would be easy as pie. The girl that did my ultrasound was friendly but when she got started she was silent through the whole thing. I still didn't think about it. Then she said the doctor would need to come in and talk to me. They were both in there and he did a quick ultrasound again. He said the results were abnormal. Most cysts are symmetrical and enclosed, this was oblong and had rough edges. It would have to come out. I went back to Phyllis Carpenter's office to schedule an appointment with a surgeon.

At this point I was scared. I still wasn't considering cancer but the thought of surgery was sobering. I would lose a part of my breast. I would have a scar. There would be pain... Now those fears seem ridiculous but they were just the first of many to come.

I had requested meeting with a surgeon at Radford Hospital so that I would be close to home. On Tuesday, June 29th I met with the first time with Dr. Stelmack. He explained that the tumor would have to come out "either way" - it took a minute for me to realized that he meant whether or not it was cancerous. I was still processing the fact that I would have to have surgery. He wanted to know what he was dealing with so he did a needle aspiration right there in the office. No numbing. Talk about painful! He said he would call if the results came in early.

On Friday, July 2nd we came back to meet with Dr. Stelmack for the results. He walked in, took my hand, and said "It was what we were hoping it wasn't." I couldn't understand what he was saying. He went on to explain a bit about breast cancer at this stage, how it was caught very early and how to approach it in surgery. He must have explained it multiple times because I just remember crying and shaking my head. He explained how he could do a lumpectomy and a sentinal node biopsy at this stage, saving most of the breast and lymph nodes and how that would test for the spread of cancer. I would have to be scheduled for a MRI and mammogram prior to surgery. I could go for a second opinion if I wanted or we could proceed with it all here.

I'm thankful Mom was there to take in what I didn't process. We went ahead and scheduled all the procedures from the MRI and mammogram to surgery in a couple weeks. But we agreed to take the weekend to process everything. We both sat and cried while the nurse scheduled my appointments. I told mom she was the one that was supposed to hold it together for me! But I understand. The nurse was very kind and told me she had been thinking of me and praying for me since she had seen my results come in the day before.

That was our introduction to this whole ordeal. At that point we knew absolutely nothing about breast cancer. Mom had been through this with her mother who had breast cancer but that was over 20 years ago and things have changed so much, even in five years it's amazing. We've thrown ourselves into research and tried to learn all we can as fast as we can. And literally take one day at a time. I remember the first time someone told me that I thought they were crazy, I thought, what? One day at a time? Let's get this DONE! But you can't look at the big picture. There's too many surgeries, procedures, treatments to go through. Each day is all you have. So you just live your life, one day at a time.