Apparently after finishing chemo and radiation your body's immune system is so low and stressed that it can be fairly common to pick up a highly contagious virus such as the chickenpox or shingles. Who the heck knew?!
Not me.
So the Tuesday after finishing radiation when a few small blister-like bumps appeared in my radiation treatment area, I didn't think anything of it. On Wednesday morning I noticed a bump on the very top of my head and my arm. I thought they were bites from being outside on Monday. I did storytime with the kids that morning (yikes!) and worked part of the day. After lunch I started having pain in my legs and body aches. I wasn't sure what was wrong but I thought I'd leave early and take it easy. By that night I felt awful! I couldn't get comfortable since I hurt all over. I noticed more bumps around my breast and they were spreading outside my treatment area, the blister-like bumps were starting to pop up on my belly and around my waist. I called home to tell my parents that I thought it was the chickenpox and I needed to go to the doctor the next morning.
Thankfully, Mom came and got me early the next morning to take me to the radiation oncologist. I was still in pain and dizzy. My temperature was over 101. As a skin problem it would be easier to see her than to do a walk in with a general physician that doesn't know my history. I went without an appointment and we had to wait two hours to see Dr. O... but she confirmed that it was chickenpox. She was very kind and sympathetic. She told me to stay isolated for the next two weeks until they heal. I got medicine to help suppress the virus and get me through the pox.
Mom stayed with me through the weekend. By Friday the pain medicine was kicking in, that helped make me more comfortable so I could rest. That was also the day that my fever peaked at 103.4. I could see the panic in Mom's eyes. She's done really well hiding that in the past year. So I called the doctor back to see what else I could take to help with the fever. A couple of Advil got it down to 101 where it stayed for a couple of days.
The breakouts of chickenpox came in several "waves" over my body. Mostly over my stomach, chest, back, and head. Then some over my legs and face with a few on my arms. Thankfully, within a week, the majority have healed. The scabs that are left are still itching but overall it looks MUCH better that I ever thought it would have by this point. I think medicine has come a long way. I remember having poison ivy last longer than this.
I spent my week in isolation, reading and watching netflix. After the stressful year, it was a relaxing break. Well... after those first awful cruddy days of having a fever and being covered in calamine it was relaxing. I was planning a trip to Charleston over Easter that I had to cancel due to the pox. :( Hopefully sometime in the future I can reschedule that. I still have no idea where I caught the chickenpox. No one that I've met has had them recently. But when you work with the public, you never know!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
The New Normal
I've been thinking a lot about the "new normal." Where do I go from here? How does my life change after cancer? Those things. This week starts the first week that I don't have tests or treatments scheduled. That I'm not waiting for the next round of something dreadful.
In one way, this past year has been full of loss. I've lost two dear loved ones, both of my grandmothers. I never thought that would happen in such a short period of time. But after this year, I've learned not to assume anything, things can and will happen that will blindside you. I've lost a part of my breast. Whenever I look at the scars that now mark my body I have to remind myself that those scars saved my life. They seemed to have gotten all of the cancer out. Then there is the most visible loss and reminder of all this, my hair. Oh how I cried the week before it came out. The anticipation of the loss was the hardest part. But then the power I felt the day I shaved my head...! I took that control away from the cancer. Is it still an adjustment to look and see the scars on me and the months I went without hair? Absolutely. But I'm still me. And anyone who knows me and loves me for myself can see past that. And now I have joy everyday seeing my hair growing back. Yes, I still get looks and comments at times, but you learn to ignore those that don't understand.
I may have lost this year but I have gained this year as well. I have met amazing women who have survived this disease. Many have become close friends that I can call on anytime. I have learned who you can truly count on, including friends and family. The outpouring of support I had when I was first diagnosed was incredible. But treatment takes months, and it took me months to learn that I had to actually ask for help. By that time many had dwindled away. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. There were times I thought I wouldn't make it. The one night in the hospital when I thought I was dying... All I know is God's grace has carried me through each day. After all it is one day at a time. Thinking of anything more than that is too overwhelming.
What do I want for this year? Hmm... good health, happiness and change. Is that too much to ask? It is a lot. I've spent the last year with my life literally on hold waiting for the next treatment, and the next... now I want to LIVE!!! Not to be careless or reckless with my life, that's not me. I do cherish each day, it's a gift. But to stop feeling trapped here in a 40 hour week job unable to experience life. I want to travel, have adventures, taste real food, fall in love, make a difference in someone else's life, mark things off my bucket list! Heck, even take a chance and roller derby! Maybe it's that flash of mortality that most 28 year olds don't get. Maybe that's why so few understand me when I say things like this... but I know I've changed this year. I hope I can now follow through and start living some of these dreams.
In one way, this past year has been full of loss. I've lost two dear loved ones, both of my grandmothers. I never thought that would happen in such a short period of time. But after this year, I've learned not to assume anything, things can and will happen that will blindside you. I've lost a part of my breast. Whenever I look at the scars that now mark my body I have to remind myself that those scars saved my life. They seemed to have gotten all of the cancer out. Then there is the most visible loss and reminder of all this, my hair. Oh how I cried the week before it came out. The anticipation of the loss was the hardest part. But then the power I felt the day I shaved my head...! I took that control away from the cancer. Is it still an adjustment to look and see the scars on me and the months I went without hair? Absolutely. But I'm still me. And anyone who knows me and loves me for myself can see past that. And now I have joy everyday seeing my hair growing back. Yes, I still get looks and comments at times, but you learn to ignore those that don't understand.
I may have lost this year but I have gained this year as well. I have met amazing women who have survived this disease. Many have become close friends that I can call on anytime. I have learned who you can truly count on, including friends and family. The outpouring of support I had when I was first diagnosed was incredible. But treatment takes months, and it took me months to learn that I had to actually ask for help. By that time many had dwindled away. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. There were times I thought I wouldn't make it. The one night in the hospital when I thought I was dying... All I know is God's grace has carried me through each day. After all it is one day at a time. Thinking of anything more than that is too overwhelming.
What do I want for this year? Hmm... good health, happiness and change. Is that too much to ask? It is a lot. I've spent the last year with my life literally on hold waiting for the next treatment, and the next... now I want to LIVE!!! Not to be careless or reckless with my life, that's not me. I do cherish each day, it's a gift. But to stop feeling trapped here in a 40 hour week job unable to experience life. I want to travel, have adventures, taste real food, fall in love, make a difference in someone else's life, mark things off my bucket list! Heck, even take a chance and roller derby! Maybe it's that flash of mortality that most 28 year olds don't get. Maybe that's why so few understand me when I say things like this... but I know I've changed this year. I hope I can now follow through and start living some of these dreams.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Susan G. Komen 2011
I have to say, if I was going to celebrate the end of treatments, there was no better way to do it than with other Survivors. The Survivor Soiree was Friday night at the Plantation on Sunnybrook in Roanoke. It gave me a chance to literally put on a party dress and a smile to go celebrate. What an incredible night. To be in a room with other Survivors and not be looked at strange because of the super-short hair. In fact, other women were coming up to me and commenting on how beautiful it was!!! Some were in treatment and asking how long it took to get to this stage (boy do I remember feeling that! I still see other women's hair and think that!) and others came up and said oh I remember when my hair looked like that, it was 5 years ago... How inspiring. These were my people! :)
The pretty PINK decor :)
Outside before the dinner
Me and buddies Jodi and Christine after the Survivor dinner :)
The Susan G. Komen for the Cure was Saturday morning. We got up early to be in Salem by 7am for the breakfast at the Survivor tent. And honestly, I was like a kid at Christmas, so excited I couldn't sleep anyway! It was FREEZING and damp, conditions did not improve during the day. In fact I think it just got colder. But the amount of people that showed up, the spirit and enthusiasm of the crowd was mind-blowing. They honored the Survivors by giving up goody bags, free stuff, having us come on stage, etc. The speakers were heart-felt and emotional. Including Hunter, the "cancer-free bride" who was walking that morning and getting married that afternoon. Wow! What a story! The love and support there was tangible. I was honored to have been a part of it and I'm already looking forward to next year.
Me, Jodi and Christine trying to stay warm
Bosom Buddies! Me, Jodi, Christine and Summer ready to race!
Friday, April 8, 2011
The END of treatments!
Thursday was the big day, treatment #33, the final one! I no longer have to drive to Pulaski every morning, strip down, have two or three technicians line me up with the lasers and draw on my chest with permanent markers, lay there with my arms over my head in a freezing cold room while a 45 second blast of radiation goes into me... I'm DONE!!! YAY!
The nurse talked to me for a while afterwards, getting me through any concerns I might have. My burn is okay, I'm going to use the creams I have for a couple of weeks then switch to vitamin E, aloe and cocoa butter. I go back in six weeks for a skin check up. Then Dr. Ojomo will schedule me for mammograms every six months from here on out. woo. But that is good, I'm grateful for the follow-up.
Me with Linda and Georgia-the wonderful nurses that have helped me along the way.
The nurse talked to me for a while afterwards, getting me through any concerns I might have. My burn is okay, I'm going to use the creams I have for a couple of weeks then switch to vitamin E, aloe and cocoa butter. I go back in six weeks for a skin check up. Then Dr. Ojomo will schedule me for mammograms every six months from here on out. woo. But that is good, I'm grateful for the follow-up.
The amazing Dr. Ojomo
They gave me a "Congratulations" certificate when I left. :) I have to admit, I do feel so happy and free knowing I don't have to go back for treatments. I've spent months just waiting and waiting for the next treatments... I won't know what to do now!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Almost there!!! Radiation treatment #31
This is my final week of radiation treatments. I am so excited. (Can you be excited about radiation? Because I surely am!) I had treatment #31 this morning which makes only 2 more to go!!! WOO!!! I feel like jumping up and down and screaming for joy. Anyone want to join in? :)
This is my third day of the boost treatments, or the treatments just to the area where the tumor was at. The machine is set up differently in the fact that it is aiming directly down at me with an attachment focusing the radiation at that area. I'm just now noticing additional redness to the skin there, it hasn't hurt or burned yet.
I met with a different doctor on Monday to check my skin. The most painful place is right under my arm. He said it all looked good for this point in the treatment (since that area is no longer receiving radiation, it should now begin healing). And six months from now I won't be able to tell which side was treated. I'm still religiously using the Biafine and Cortizone creams. The Radia-Guard cream was ok but still left my skin burning.
I'm feeling okay. I've been in a much better mood lately. It may be the fact that the end is in sight or the Lexapro kicking in, or both, but it is a nice change. I've had a lot of migraines lately, most I wake up with. Last week when I had my checkup with Dr. G (just seeing how things were going) they were able to get blood back from my port. That was good for the bloodwork part. However, when they flushed the port with heparin, I had a horrible reaction. Again. Pain in my legs, chills, watering eyes, severe migraine, 100 degree fever... I don't know if I'm allergic to the heparin or what. Also I don't know what that means for the future. Dr. G and my surgeon both advised me to keep the port in for 1-2 years, and it required a flush every 6-8 weeks... I can't imagine PLANNING to feel that miserable and flu-like every 6-8 weeks. I may need to talk to him about taking it out? I don't want to think about it but I guess I need to. This port has literally been a pain in my side for the past 8 months. Ugh.
Onto more positive things. I will be done with treatments in two days! YAY!!! I'll let y'all know how it goes! :)
This is my third day of the boost treatments, or the treatments just to the area where the tumor was at. The machine is set up differently in the fact that it is aiming directly down at me with an attachment focusing the radiation at that area. I'm just now noticing additional redness to the skin there, it hasn't hurt or burned yet.
I met with a different doctor on Monday to check my skin. The most painful place is right under my arm. He said it all looked good for this point in the treatment (since that area is no longer receiving radiation, it should now begin healing). And six months from now I won't be able to tell which side was treated. I'm still religiously using the Biafine and Cortizone creams. The Radia-Guard cream was ok but still left my skin burning.
I'm feeling okay. I've been in a much better mood lately. It may be the fact that the end is in sight or the Lexapro kicking in, or both, but it is a nice change. I've had a lot of migraines lately, most I wake up with. Last week when I had my checkup with Dr. G (just seeing how things were going) they were able to get blood back from my port. That was good for the bloodwork part. However, when they flushed the port with heparin, I had a horrible reaction. Again. Pain in my legs, chills, watering eyes, severe migraine, 100 degree fever... I don't know if I'm allergic to the heparin or what. Also I don't know what that means for the future. Dr. G and my surgeon both advised me to keep the port in for 1-2 years, and it required a flush every 6-8 weeks... I can't imagine PLANNING to feel that miserable and flu-like every 6-8 weeks. I may need to talk to him about taking it out? I don't want to think about it but I guess I need to. This port has literally been a pain in my side for the past 8 months. Ugh.
Onto more positive things. I will be done with treatments in two days! YAY!!! I'll let y'all know how it goes! :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Radiation Update - Treatment #25
Another treatment done, eight more to go. Down to the single digits now. Thank goodness. I'm pretty badly burnt now. I had my weekly doctor's visit today. Dr. O. switched me from the Biafine (I was on my second tube already!) to "Radia-Guard." It has some lidocane in it to take away some of the pain. The worst is when I get warm, the burn flares up or when my seat belt rubs it. Ugh. I'm starting to get tiny blisters on my most sensitive skin. Just my shirt touching that hurts!
They did say my blood pressure was a little low this morning 80/64 but other than that I was alright. On Friday I will go from my regular treatments (the whole area) to a "boost" treatment. The booster treatment is targeted to the area specific to where the tumor was. I get 5 booster treatments. The regular treatments involve photons which travel through me and would affect others in the room. The boost treatments involve electrons which stop when they hit me and are slightly stronger. Dr. O. explained this to me this morning. I'm sure I still don't understand it all but that's a start.
My work situation has gotten better. The City Manager called me last Monday afternoon and they are going to switch me to COBRA to allow me to work less hours and keep my insurance. YAY!!! Some nights I get home and I'm so exhausted I can't even fix a salad for dinner. I'm back to my college days of cereal for dinner cause it's the easiest thing I can do.
I met with the Bosom Buddies yesterday for us to catch up and get our packets for the Susan G. Komen for Life in April. If you haven't signed up, do it! Or better yet, sponsor me! :) http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/General?px=9273825&pg=personal&fr_id=2103
They did say my blood pressure was a little low this morning 80/64 but other than that I was alright. On Friday I will go from my regular treatments (the whole area) to a "boost" treatment. The booster treatment is targeted to the area specific to where the tumor was. I get 5 booster treatments. The regular treatments involve photons which travel through me and would affect others in the room. The boost treatments involve electrons which stop when they hit me and are slightly stronger. Dr. O. explained this to me this morning. I'm sure I still don't understand it all but that's a start.
My work situation has gotten better. The City Manager called me last Monday afternoon and they are going to switch me to COBRA to allow me to work less hours and keep my insurance. YAY!!! Some nights I get home and I'm so exhausted I can't even fix a salad for dinner. I'm back to my college days of cereal for dinner cause it's the easiest thing I can do.
I met with the Bosom Buddies yesterday for us to catch up and get our packets for the Susan G. Komen for Life in April. If you haven't signed up, do it! Or better yet, sponsor me! :) http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/General?px=9273825&pg=personal&fr_id=2103
The Bosom Buddies (Jodi, Christine, Me, Kim, and Summer):
Monday, March 21, 2011
Radiation - Treatment #20
I just X-ed out today in my day planner. I know today isn't over yet but I can say I've finished another treatment. That makes 20 done. And 13 more to go. Whew. Right now that still feels like a mountain to climb. Looking back over the past 10 months, this should be the easy part, right? That's why I'm X-ing off the days in the planner. There is finally an end in sight. I guess there comes a time you just grow weary of all the doctor visits. But I'm hanging in there.
My skin has started to burn. It stays red now and is tender and sore. Dr. O saw me this morning and she said it looks "great!" which was a bit surprising. I got the Biafine cream on Thursday and have been putting it on several times a day then using vitamin E at nights. My skin just started itching today, around the edges of the burn. I wish we could stop now. It looks like a sunburn from a day at the beach. Only I have to go back for 13 more doses of radiation. I'm worried about how much worse the burn will get.
I've been working between 35-38 hours the past few weeks. It really makes for some long days by the time I drive to Pulaski then back to Galax, then don't get any breaks all day. It's exhausting. I'm falling asleep on the couch at 8pm these days. I guess the fatigue has kicked in. I hope the next few days pass quickly.
My skin has started to burn. It stays red now and is tender and sore. Dr. O saw me this morning and she said it looks "great!" which was a bit surprising. I got the Biafine cream on Thursday and have been putting it on several times a day then using vitamin E at nights. My skin just started itching today, around the edges of the burn. I wish we could stop now. It looks like a sunburn from a day at the beach. Only I have to go back for 13 more doses of radiation. I'm worried about how much worse the burn will get.
I've been working between 35-38 hours the past few weeks. It really makes for some long days by the time I drive to Pulaski then back to Galax, then don't get any breaks all day. It's exhausting. I'm falling asleep on the couch at 8pm these days. I guess the fatigue has kicked in. I hope the next few days pass quickly.
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