Wigs!

First thing this morning I hopped in the shower, yes - I am back to regular showers now! And then we headed to Radford for my check up with Dr. Stelmack. He said everything sounded good and took out my stitches. I'm still pretty sore, not just on the incision site but all the way around my ribs. He said the chest tube was in me for so long it separated the muscles there and most likely bruised the rib, especially the day that I moved around and when I was in so much pain. He still believes it was a spontaneous pneumothorax and not necessarily caused by the port-a-cath or the needle, he implied that it may happen again sometime in the future and to be aware of chest pains like that again.

I'm supposed to go to "bland" food for a day or two before chemo. I wanted to get in one last "good" meal while I could still enjoy going out to eat and not having to worry about how things were cooked or germs in the restaurant, etc. So Mom and I went to Olive Garden for lunch to split a plate of my favorite dish, shrimp caprese. Dad was in town so he met us there too. He's a man that never misses a meal. It was great! And then of course for dessert, I hit up Starbucks. :)

I had an appointment in Salem to find a wig. They said I'd loose my hair around 2 weeks after starting treatments so it's important to go now to find a wig if I wanted to get one close to my natural color. Once we found the place... it was interesting. The lady put like a pantyhose thing on my head to hold back my hair and I tried on several. They were mostly monofiliment hair, which is obviously not real hair. It feels like Barbie doll hair. Which is weird. It was interesting to see what I'd look like with brown hair, red hair, short hair and all that. Thankfully the insurance would cover two wigs so I just had to narrow it down. Finally after trying on the ones I liked several times, I picked out the two. I could tell that they are going to be hot and itchy and I've heard that a LOT from others so... we shall see how much they get worn. I'll be picking out some scarves too.

I had a whole list of other places I wanted to go this afternoon... Mom and I ran by Valley View for a few minutes but I was pretty exhausted after the wig shop. I had got new glasses that I don't really like as much as I'd hoped and needed to go and exchange them, I didn't get that done. I also wanted to go to Kroger and browse for some things on the chemo food list but that didn't happen either. I slept some in the car on the way home. I'm hoping to go to work tomorrow. That does require me getting back to my house tonight, which is an hour away. I hate being this tired and I haven't even started my treatments! I didn't sleep much last night, even though I was tired as soon as I laid down it hit me that I only had a couple days left before chemo started. All I could think was, "How did this become my life...?" And then I just had a long talk with the Lord.

Ripping off the bandage

I woke up this morning with a migraine. I stayed up late last night to finish reading a book and didn't get in bed until around 1am, then slept until 9am. My body is used to routine and any changes can easily trigger a migraine. But staying with mom and dad, it's hard to find quiet time to get into a book. I had been reading "The One That I Want" by Alison Winn Scotch, a cute chick-lit type book this week and just wanted to finish it last night. I did regret that a bit this morning. I took one of my migraine meds, it didn't really help, chugged a chai latte and waited a bit.

My goal for today was to go off the pain meds. I've been on Loritab since I've been at home. I wanted to stop once I got up this morning so I could get my stuff together, head back to my place, and hopefully go to work tomorrow. That was my plan when I got up this morning anyway.

After a couple hours, my migraine was still there so I took another dose of my migraine med. A while later it started kicking in. I still wasn't feeling great so I took half a pain pill. I could tell my plan was starting to crumble. Dad was napping on the couch so I kicked back on the recliner for an afternoon nap too. What's better on a Sunday afternoon? But once he started snoring I did have to throw a bedroom slipper at him so I could get the rest of my nap in. ;)

Thankfully, after the nap my headache was better so I started getting a few things together, thinking I could head back to my place and get some hours in at work tomorrow. I just felt queasy and blah. Not to mention... There was still the issue of the bandage I hadn't taken off. So I called into work tomorrow and decided to stay here another day or so. After I sneezed, or started to and it hurt so bad it stopped the sneeze in it's tracks! I think I made the right call. So one more day to heal and build up my strength. Tuesday will be doctors appointments and hopefully wig shopping.

I finally mustered up the courage to rip the bandage off. I HATE TAPE!!! Can I just say that? Ugh, my skin hurts so bad on that side from bandages being changed. But, I did it. And it looks a LOT better that I thought it would. I was expecting a gaping hole. It's a small line, maybe a centimeter or so across. It may be the smallest of my scars to date. The most painful, by far. But the smallest. There are some stitches there that were around the tube when it was in me, I guess Dr. Stelmack will deal with those when I see him Tuesday.

So that's progress. I didn't quite get off the Loritab as soon as I hoped, or get back to my place today to work tomorrow... But, I finally got the bandage off. And I am still sore so as much as I would like to work and earn some money, I would like to feel better and stronger going into chemo this week also.

Welcome to my blog!

Welcome! I've been wanting to start a blog for a long time, probably a year or so. I thought about doing one about just my random everyday thoughts or what I was reading... and then all of this happened. I've read a few blogs of other breast cancer survivors and it's really encouraging to me to be able to relate to what they are going though. So at the very least, this will help me keep track of what all I am going through. My hope would be that it could help or encourage someone else.

Today also marks the day that I should be able to take off the bandage from the chest tube incident. I am so scared to do that. I will be able to take a shower when I do. Never fear, I have been washing my hair in the sink and taking spit baths (just baths in a couple inches of water, not enough to get the bandages wet), so I don't think I stink! I mean, there was literally a hole in my chest. And I'm supposed to just rip that bandage off and go on...? I hope you understand my hesitation. Not to mention, the last time I took off a bandage I passed out. We'll see if I can work up the nerve tonight.

My Chemo "Education" Session

Today I went to the Blue Ridge Cancer Center for my "educational session" that is required before I start chemo next week. I was nervous just thinking about it, it brings back the whole thought of cancer and starting chemo, and just makes it real again. I changed my treatments to the Christiansburg office instead of the Wytheville office so I can be closer to home during chemo. Not to mention, the Wytheville office was in the basement of a building and just had a funky smell about it... this had a much nicer vibe about it.

Mom and I were waiting there and Dr. Goldschmidt came out and asked how I was doing after the whole chest tube incident. He said it was more common in thin people and that's why it probably happened in me. I never thought of myself as thin until I started getting these fun medical complications because of my size.

The nurse, Cindy, took me back and let me sit where they actually give the treatments. It was an L-shaped room with several large tvs on the ceiling above the nurses desk. The recliner type chairs lined the walls and a few patients were in there receiving treatments. She went over all the side effects of the medicines they give me and the meds that I can take to counteract that. Thankfully, there are two different anti-nausea drugs to prevent getting sick at your stomach. I'll be getting the TAC treatment so I'll be receiving three different drugs the day of treatment, then drugs to counter the side effects. I'll go back the next day for a shot to boost my white blood cell count, it may cause bone pain, so I can take Loritab for that.

She gave me a lot of information on good nutrition and local wig and hat places... all the info that I need I this point without feeling anymore overwhelmed than I already am. So. Six treatments to go, after next week I will only have five to go. I'm already counting them down.

Port-a-cath surgery and complications

I've spent the past week in the hospital. I never, ever expected this to happen. I went in Wednesday morning, September 8 for a simple procedure. Dr. Stelmack was going to put the port-a-cath in, which is required before chemo for easier access of veins. The procedure was going to take around three hours, outpatient. He did mention there was a 5% chance of a collapsed lung but I didn't think that was really possible.

The surgery went well. Before I went back the nurses that assisted from my last surgery came back to say hi and see how I was doing. The surgery staff was amazing. I was under light sedation so I could breathe on my own. I woke up when they were finishing up, the blanket was over my face... that freaked me out a little. They took me out and did a chest xray. Dr. Stelmack cleared me to go home a little while later, I felt fine.

We got home and I wanted to go straight to bed. I went to the bathroom to change and get ready. When I sat on the toilet I got a chest pain that went from the bottom of my ribs to my neck down my arm... I started feeling queasy and broke out in a sweat. Mom was with me, I couldn't tell if I was going to be sick or pass out. A few minutes later I woke up with her and dad holding me. I couldn't breathe and my shirt was soaked with sweat. Mom called the doctor and they said to come back. We rushed back to the ER.

After finally getting into the ER, they had trouble getting a vein for an IV. My blood pressure was around 80/40 and I had to argue with the nurse not to put the IV into my arm that had the lymph nodes removed (to prevent lymphedema). They finally took a chest xray and discovered a small, slow leak in my lung. They thought it might heal on its own but they admitted me overnight.

I was moved into a room with a roommate. I had an awful headache and the woman's husband and son were watching monster truck racing. That was rough.

Thursday, 9/9/10 - They got me up the next morning for another chest xray and it was harder to breathe and move around. That had me a little worried. Dr. Stelmack came in and said my lung had partially collapsed. He had used the smallest needle possible during the port-a-cath surgery, and the needle could have nicked the lung sac causing the pneumothorax. He immediately put in a chest tube there in my bedside. He numbed my side, cut me and inserted the tube. When they turned on the suction it felt like I couldn't breathe and made me panic. The pain was unbearable. Once I started taking a few deep breaths it got better. They put me on morphine every three hours and two doses of Loritab every four hours.

Friday, 9/10/10 - Dr. Stelmack said my lung was starting to reinflate but it had a ways to go so I would be there a couple more days.

Saturday, 9/11/10 - There was lots of bubbling in the tube, meaning more air was coming out. Dr. Bissell was filling in for Dr. Stelmack this weekend. He wanted to make sure the air was coming out of my lung and not from the tube being loose, so he redressed the chest tube. After he finished, there was still a lot of bubbling and air coming out. That means it was the lung and not the tube. My roommate today is a young girl, a RU student with a chest tube. I got to hear Dr. Bissell remove her chest tube. It sounded rough. I'm looking forward to getting it out, but geeze...

Usually going a day without washing my hair makes it look like a grease slick. We are going on four days with no bath or no clean hair. I had mom bring a little shampoo from home. Now that my hair is short, I had the plan that if we took the curved bedpan and hold it up to my neck, pour water over my head (one section at a time), lather and rinse, we could wash my hair. And it worked!!! Having clean hair is a small but worthwhile victory. :)

Sunday, 9/12/10 - Dr. Bissell said my lung looked like it had re inflated well. But I would probably still be there until Tuesday. That gives it time to fill out then have a day off suction, then take the tube out.

Have I mentioned that being on a chest tube means literally being chained to the bed?! The tube is a couple feet long attached to the little bubble box (I don't know the real terms, obviously!) which is attached to the wall suction. So the other painful part of this is being stuck in the bed. To go to the bathroom there is a portable bucket potty they can put beside the bed for me. Which is super-fun with a roommate just behind a curtain and nurses assisting you. I also started getting sore places on my heels and my butt from being in the bed so long. I feel like an old woman!

Monday, 9/13/10 - After my early morning chest xray, Dr. Stelmack said my lung had re inflated so I could be took off suction and by tomorrow the tube could come out! I couldn't tell a difference when they took me off suction. They got me up and walked me to the end of the hall and I got to use the "real" bathroom. It felt great to move around some.

Then... mid-afternoon I started getting sharp, stabbing chest pains. I thought they were spasms. It was when I moved and I couldn't even breathe. Throughout the afternoon, there were more and more pains. By around 9pm, the stabbing pains were going through the center of my chest through to the center of my back and around that side, constant, so bad I could breathe! When I could I was gasping, groaning, and screaming for help. I pressed the call button and the nurses wouldn't come. After mom went to get a nurse, she said it wasn't time for my pain meds. I was screaming in pain and couldn't breath by that point. It was excruciating. I thought I might die, not exaggerating, the pain was unbearable. What the heck is wrong with this nurse??? Mom got her to call the doctor. He ordered another chest xray, EKG and a wonderful drug that numbed the pain. Mom called Dad in. I could hear mom sobbing and see dad standing there. It was the scariest night of my life. They kept me drugged for the next 12 hours, sedated really, until it was the next morning...

Tuesday, 9/14/10 - They did another chest xray this morning, later than usual. Dr. Stelmack came in to remove the chest tube. After last night's pain, taking the massive amount of tape off was painful, was doable. It took a few layers of skin with it. He had me bear down and quickly jerked the tube out. As dad said, kinda like starting a lawnmower. That part actually didn't hurt. After he patched me up and I got another round of drugs, it was quite a relief to have the chest tube out. I could move and breathe easier. They immediately did another chest xray, then got me up for a walk and later did another xray. Then I got the all clear to come home.

Home feels amazing!!! It's true you can rest and eat and just HEAL better at home. I can't shower or change the bandage until Friday or Saturday, but after a week in the hospital you don't realize how much you miss all the little things.

Bloodwork results

Dr. Johnston, my fertility doctor at Wake Forest, called me back today with the results of my blood work. I forgot that when I met with her my test results showed that I was "HER-2" positive and now I am triple negative. She said my estrogen was low, which was good. The FSH levels were mildly elevated and should be checked again, but it was still okay. Everything else looked fine. When I said I would be taking the TAC treatment she said we needed to change the plans, either do the shot, which brings on early menopause (but it could trigger migraines) or go on the Pill and stay on it continuously through treatment. Since I'm more familiar with the Pill, I thought I'd stick with that. She prescribed me Seasonale. She said to take it through chemo then call her after I finish treatments, stop the pill have a regular cycle and we'll do another round of blood work to recheck my hormone levels.

Echo time

I went back to Radford hospital today for an Echo - an ultrasound of my heart, before I start chemo. One of the drugs, Adriamycin I believe, is especially hard on the heart and can cause heart damage. So they do one pre-chemo echo and then several throughout your treatments to ensure that everything is going okay. It was a little unnerving going in since the last time I had an ultrasound was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and the setting of the room brought back those memories, even though it was at a different hospital. Thankfully mom was in there with me and tried to talk me out of me going back into those thoughts. The lady that did the ultrasound took her time and talked us through it. She said it looked good, healthy, and "pretty." So it went pretty well. :)

I also went ahead and got my bloodwork done for the port-a-cath surgery that I have coming up next week. I'm dreading having the port put in since it will be a constant reminder of everything, but it will be nice not having to be stuck over and over since apparently no one can find a good vein on me anymore.